6 Recent Reminders That I Am Completely Uncool
(Alternative Title: I Am Uncool, and I Have the Pants to Prove It)
The Shopping Spree
Two times per year we go to an outlet shopping mall. We have a combined $500.00 shopping budget for each trip. We have never actually spent our entire budget, but this has never stopped my husband from acting like he has won a million dollar shopping spree every time we hit the outlets.
Last weekend my husband suggested that we go on one of these semi-annual shopping sprees. I inwardly groaned, and outwardly accepted the invitation. As a nice wife, I even invited my sister along so that he would have a shopping buddy who actually enjoyed shopping.
Once we arrived at the outlet mall, we made our plans of attack:
Husband: Nike, Adidas, Under Armour
Sister: J. Crew, The Gap, Merrell, Banana Republic
Me: Wander around aimlessly with no plan. Stumble into the Goldtoe Sock Store, stay for 20 minutes, decide I don’t need new socks, then awkwardly leave. Eventually, discover a store I have never heard of called Rue21. Spend one hour browsing the $3.00 clearance racks at Rue21. (Uncool moment #1.)
Several hours later, we met at the car to share our purchases. My husband and sister both had several shopping bags from a variety of stores, and I had my $33.17 bag of Rue21 gear. (Uncool moment #2.)
My sister’s comment: “Rue21? Oh my gosh, didn’t you turn 30 in February?”
Check out my purchases:
Like the natural fashion disaster that I am, I was wearing my brand new sunshine pants (no yoga studio in sight). As I stopped to pick up my free sample of Skinny Pop, the Costco sample-man asked me if my pants were sunshine pants or Oberon pants.
Uncool moment #3: I had no idea what “Oberon” meant.
I told the Costco sample-man they were just regular sunshine pants, my husband laughed and politely told the man that I was unfamiliar with Oberon.
Uncool moment #4: Instead of admitting that I didn’t know what Oberon was, I got defensive and pretended to know everything about Oberon. I said, “Oh please, I’m not stupid, I know who Oberon is, he is that soccer guy. I think he plays for Portugal.”
Wrong. Oberon is a beer, not a soccer player fighting for the World Cup. (Obviously I don’t drink beer.)
My husband and the Costco sample-man thought my Oberon response was hysterical. I was still not in on the joke. Thankfully, my husband explained the entire situation to me by dragging me to the alcohol section of Costco and forcing me to stand in front of Oberon beer for a picture.
Uncool moment #6: Instead, I immediately sent the photo to my sister with the text, “Why didn’t you tell me I bought beer pants!?” Her response: “You never heard of Oberon? Oh my gosh, didn’t you turn 30 in February?”
I am so uncool.